AnnMarie: do you think it would be wrong of me to txt my admin asst who’s on her way back from a meeting on the other side of campus that i skipped out on for no reason and ask her to grab me an iced coffee on her way back?
Duffy: yes
AnnMarie: lame-oooo
Get ready, because I’ve got posts a-plenty lined up and coming on their way any minute now.
Those of you who don’t actually know me and may be wondering hey, what the hell happened to you all summer. I’ll tell you. My parents came to visit for the past 3.5 months and don’t let me drink in the house. That’s what happened.
Enough Said.
AnnMarie: our email’s down
AnnMarie: it’s been an hour
AnnMarie: i think people are getting ready to jump off the roof like 9/11
AnnMarie: wow, that was probably one of my most tasteless jokes to date
AnnMarie: ignore, ignore
Duffy: damn
Yea, I’m well aware it’s been a month or something since I last shared one of my daily embarrassing moments with the entire internet. Believe me, it’s not like I haven’t wanted to. It’s not like every time I accidentally stepped on a dirty tampon or hit my head on a doorframe, I wasn’t immediately thinking “God DAMN it! Get me a laptop!”.
I’ve been busy, for one. My parents are up visiting until August and don’t let me drink at home which SEVERELY cuts down on my nighttime hilarity factor, for two. And thirdly, I guess I’ve just had some other things going on. Like condo shopping, hiding from my family, buying shoes and chasing random crackheads out of my car. Yea, you heard that right. My car was broken into right outside my office yesterday. I came around the corner to see the bastard hanging out my window. I must’ve done about a quadruple-take of the situation before yelling at him to get the hell out.
At least now I know what I do in a crisis. Apparently, I yell and wave my hands in the air and jump up and down like a retard. I would’ve thrown something at him, but unfortunately the only things I had in my hands at the time were my blackberry, my wallet and my car keys, any of which would have been more like doing him a favor. So instead, the freakshow jumped out of my window and hauled ass away on a pink girls’ 10-speed while I watched him fade into the distance with my 2nd generation, broken click-wheel iPod in his hand. You possibly might have made yourself a dollar with that, sir. I salute you.
So with that said, I’ll start posting more regularly again. No really. If there’s one thing I never lack, it’s new material.
As seen on Rte. 146 during lunch today.
AnnMarie: want to hear something funny?
Sarah: yup
AnnMarie: i’m trying to cut down on the amount of times i say fuck
AnnMarie: so i’ve been saying F
AnnMarie: like the letter F
AnnMarie: eff
AnnMarie: but i say it a lot
AnnMarie: like F F F F F F F F F F
AnnMarie: or EFFFFFFFF!
Sarah: ahah
AnnMarie: anyways
AnnMarie: yesterday i was in the living room with deegs and i was putting together his train track and walking across the room and i cracked my shin on the coffee table
AnnMarie: and i was like “EFFFFFF!!!!”
AnnMarie: and he looks up and goes, “GEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!”
Sarah: hahahaha
Sarah: what a little smartie
AnnMarie: yea, i guess a little someone knows his alphabet song
Reference:
Tuesday night, I lit a huge fire in T’s chiminea and got drunk and exploded some plastic bottles.
Point of Controversy:
“Exploded some bottles”
Keith thinks this is improper grammatical use of the word “exploded”.
11:47am, AnnMarie: P.S. I looked it up, explode is a VERB. :P ha!
11:47am, Keith: yea but you still can’t exploded something. you can make a bottle explode and it’s still a verb. but i exploded a bottle is not correct usage.
11:47am, Keith: and you have waaaay too much time on your hands. waaaaaaaayyy too much.
11:50am, AnnMarie: What? Why?
11:50am, Keith: i was kidding, but looking up the usage of exploded just to prove me wrong :) and you’re still wrong.
11:54am, AnnMarie: That’s it. I am going to ask editorial services. I’m not giving this up.
11:53am, Keith: go ask if you can say “we exploded some plastic bottles”
11:55am, AnnMarie: I AM
11:55am, Keith: DO IT
12:04pm, AnnMarie: I’m still waiting, I think they’re at lunch.
12:09pm, AnnMarie: AA HAAAAA! I WIN I AM DOMINANT!
12:13pm, Keith: I don’t believe you. Have them txt me when that is the proper usage bc that sounds like inbred redneck english.
12:16pm, AnnMarie: I forwarded you the email with a link. Grammarbitch ;)
12:19pm, Keith: I can’t believe I’m on a roof in the rain arguing grammar with you.
12:57pm, AnnMarie: If it makes you feel any better, I just dropped one of my bose earbuds in a bowl of soup.
1:15pm, Keith: that’s funny babe but i still won’t believe i am wrong.
AnnMarie: omg
AnnMarie: i have facebook open
AnnMarie: and there’s this ad for “the new rolling razor”
AnnMarie: like for women
Duffy: rolling?
AnnMarie: it says, and i do not kid, “The new iPod of Shaving is Finally Here”
AnnMarie: i don’t even know, honestly it looks like a cross between a vibrator and a cock ring with a razor on it
AnnMarie: that’s gonna get confused and result in all sorts of bad for someone
Keith and I had a few drinks at the Dive Bar last night. When I dropped him off, he told me to txt him when I got home …
1:01am AnnMarie: I’m home. P.S. Ran over something in your driveway, either animal or one of my shoes. Might want to check that out.
7:24am Keith: yea you def ran over your own shoe
7:41am AnnMarie: Wonderful
7:54am Keith: yea you kinda killed it a little :)
7:55am AnnMarie: Eh, those were cheap ones. It’s ok. But dang you coulda told me something fell out, I thought it was a cat.
7:55am Keith: Yea a cat would have been bad. And I obviously didn’t realize or I would have picked it up babe.
8:51am AnnMarie: A cat would’ve exploded
10:03am Keith: And I would have had to shovel it off so I’m glad it was just a shoe