that’s fine. whatever.

Yea, I’m well aware it’s been a month or something since I last shared one of my daily embarrassing moments with the entire internet. Believe me, it’s not like I haven’t wanted to. It’s not like every time I accidentally stepped on a dirty tampon or hit my head on a doorframe, I wasn’t immediately thinking “God DAMN it! Get me a laptop!”.

I’ve been busy, for one. My parents are up visiting until August and don’t let me drink at home which SEVERELY cuts down on my nighttime hilarity factor, for two. And thirdly, I guess I’ve just had some other things going on. Like condo shopping, hiding from my family, buying shoes and chasing random crackheads out of my car. Yea, you heard that right. My car was broken into right outside my office yesterday. I came around the corner to see the bastard hanging out my window. I must’ve done about a quadruple-take of the situation before yelling at him to get the hell out.

At least now I know what I do in a crisis. Apparently, I yell and wave my hands in the air and jump up and down like a retard. I would’ve thrown something at him, but unfortunately the only things I had in my hands at the time were my blackberry, my wallet and my car keys, any of which would have been more like doing him a favor. So instead, the freakshow jumped out of my window and hauled ass away on a pink girls’ 10-speed while I watched him fade into the distance with my 2nd generation, broken click-wheel iPod in his hand. You possibly might have made yourself a dollar with that, sir. I salute you.

So with that said, I’ll start posting more regularly again. No really. If there’s one thing I never lack, it’s new material.

Keith and I had a few drinks at the Dive Bar last night. When I dropped him off, he told me to txt him when I got home …

1:01am AnnMarie: I’m home. P.S. Ran over something in your driveway, either animal or one of my shoes. Might want to check that out.

7:24am Keith: yea you def ran over your own shoe

7:41am AnnMarie: Wonderful

7:54am Keith: yea you kinda killed it a little :)

7:55am AnnMarie: Eh, those were cheap ones. It’s ok. But dang you coulda told me something fell out, I thought it was a cat.

7:55am Keith: Yea a cat would have been bad. And I obviously didn’t realize or I would have picked it up babe.

8:51am AnnMarie: A cat would’ve exploded

10:03am Keith: And I would have had to shovel it off so I’m glad it was just a shoe

“It’s ok, babe.  You wouldn’t be you if you didn’t rail my knee into the doorknob while carrying me down the hall.  I still appreciate the gesture!”

“I’m sorry.  I’m allergic to Jesus.”

I invited myself over Duffy and Jake’s house yesterday to drink some beers and watch a little sox in front of the open fire. It was fantastic, up until I realized I’d slugged 4 Troeg’s Nugget Nectars in less than 2 hours and was just a little north of TOTALLY TRASHED. Well. That was unexpected.

I then headed home, drank a couple glasses of wine in front of the television, drunk txted people for an hour, and passed out on the sofa until 4am.

Duffy then kindly told me this morning that gee whiz AM, those beers are practically 10%! Thanks, man. Thanks for letting me know.

On Saturday morning, I was so groggy when I woke up that I completely forgot Keith was over. I sensed someone else in the bed, thought it was my ex-boyfriend, spun around and punched him in the head. I then opened one eye part way, looked at him, said “oh, it’s you”, turned over and went back to sleep.

In my defense, he did say later “I KNEW you were going to forget I was here!”