that’s fine. whatever.

Yea, I’m well aware it’s been a month or something since I last shared one of my daily embarrassing moments with the entire internet. Believe me, it’s not like I haven’t wanted to. It’s not like every time I accidentally stepped on a dirty tampon or hit my head on a doorframe, I wasn’t immediately thinking “God DAMN it! Get me a laptop!”.

I’ve been busy, for one. My parents are up visiting until August and don’t let me drink at home which SEVERELY cuts down on my nighttime hilarity factor, for two. And thirdly, I guess I’ve just had some other things going on. Like condo shopping, hiding from my family, buying shoes and chasing random crackheads out of my car. Yea, you heard that right. My car was broken into right outside my office yesterday. I came around the corner to see the bastard hanging out my window. I must’ve done about a quadruple-take of the situation before yelling at him to get the hell out.

At least now I know what I do in a crisis. Apparently, I yell and wave my hands in the air and jump up and down like a retard. I would’ve thrown something at him, but unfortunately the only things I had in my hands at the time were my blackberry, my wallet and my car keys, any of which would have been more like doing him a favor. So instead, the freakshow jumped out of my window and hauled ass away on a pink girls’ 10-speed while I watched him fade into the distance with my 2nd generation, broken click-wheel iPod in his hand. You possibly might have made yourself a dollar with that, sir. I salute you.

So with that said, I’ll start posting more regularly again. No really. If there’s one thing I never lack, it’s new material.

AnnMarie: want to hear something funny?

Sarah: yup

AnnMarie: i’m trying to cut down on the amount of times i say fuck

AnnMarie: so i’ve been saying F

AnnMarie: like the letter F

AnnMarie: eff

AnnMarie: but i say it a lot

AnnMarie Nichols: like F F F F F F F F F F

AnnMarie Nichols: or EFFFFFFFF!

Sarah Dion: ahah

AnnMarie: anyways

AnnMarie: yesterday i was in the living room with deegs and i was putting together his train track and walking across the room and i cracked my shin on the coffee table

AnnMarie: and i was like “EFFFFFF!!!!”

AnnMarie: and he looks up and goes, “GEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!”

Sarah: hahahaha

Sarah: what a little smartie

AnnMarie: yea, i guess a little someone knows his alphabet song

Ever have one of those days when you’re so goddamn tired, you get out of the elevator at work and have no idea where you are and wander around the lobby for like a minute completely lost and confused until you realize hey, wait a second.  I work here.  And then shuffle off to your office like nothing happened, past all of your co-workers who are randomly standing there watching the show and looking at you like you’re crazy?

Yeah……..

Benny: “Dude. I will give you $10 if you run over there and lick that Jesus.”

Benny: “Whaddya say?”

AnnMarie: “I’d say it looks like I’m about to be $10 richer…”

AnnMarie: “Watch my back, Sarge! I’m goin’ in!”

10:22 AM

AnnMarie: i have both kids all weekend

Sarah: what both kids?

AnnMarie: keith and deegs

Sarah: hahaha

Sarah: that’s sweet

AnnMarie: yep

AnnMarie: then i have to drive keith to his frolf tournament on sunday

Sarah: so, you’re a frolf-mom, then?

AnnMarie: apparently so

AnnMarie: maybe i’ll send him with some orange slices for the whole team

* * *

Addendum
3:03 PM

AnnMarie: btw

AnnMarie: keith just txted me: “i told the guys i’m bringing orange slices so now you have to deliver :)”

Sarah: hahahah

Sarah: super-mom to the rescue!!!

AnnMarie Nichols: he’s going to find out what it’s like to get smacked in the head with a ziploc bag full of orange slices

AnnMarie: i had this dream like 2 nights ago where i was having a threesome with my friend dave who’s like a midget and your friend alyssa and right when it got good, my parents walked into dave’s apartment and insisted on making us all lunch and wouldn’t leave.

AnnMarie: they made an antipasto, i don’t know if that means anything.

Duffy: i c

AnnMarie: i woke up and was like, well. that’s a new one.

These were my presents for my 29th Birthday.

This has yet to be beat, but I’m up for the challenge.

I was in the shower this afternoon with my face all lathered up when Deegs came running into the bathroom, whipped the shower door open, said “HI MA!”, and then picked up all my clothes off of the floor and threw them in the shower with me.

Then, to add insult to injury, while I was stepping by him to grab a towel out of the closet, he pointed to my butt and yelled “BIG!”.

Yeah.