Cast of Characters

AnnMarie
Your narrator.
Age: 29
Outstanding Feature: Klutz Extraordinaire
Famous Quote(s): “That’s fine… whatever.” and “What the nuts!”

Deegs
My son.
Age: 2
Outstanding Feature: The best kid in the world. That is an undisputed fact.
Famous Quote: “NO!”

Keith
The Man Pet.
Age: 24
Twitter Feed
Outstanding Feature: He doesn’t have a license, he lives with his parents, he plays disc golf all the time and he hasn’t cut his toenails in 2 months. But he smells delicious and makes me venison steaks and pancakes. And doesn’t mind when I punch him in the head in my sleep.
Famous Quote: “UNOIT.”

Sarah
Best Friend #1.
Age: 30
Twitter Feed
Outstanding Feature: She dropped out of high school for political reasons, got her GED, took a bus to California, worked in a gas station, went to community college, transferred to UC Davis for her degree, and later got her Masters from Brown. Somehow, she is the responsible one.
Famous Quote: “Can’t sleep. Clowns will eat me.”

T
Best Friend #2.
Age: 30
Outstanding Feature: She can literally talk at light-speed for hours without having to take one breath. She’s like the evolution of mankind.
Famous Quote: “That’s a true story.”

Adam
Work Wife.
Age: 26
Outstanding Feature: He strongly resembles Seth Rogen. He also owns an iPhone. His passions in life are parking, weather, punctuation and the color orange.
Famous Quote(s): “That’s what she said.” and “Everybody get out your smartphones!”