An Average Lunch
This morning, while walking away from my car in the parking lot, I failed to open my umbrella all the way and it snapped shut on my head. I couldn’t see anything and I had my head stuck inside it for approximately 20 seconds while I struggled to get free. I’m pretty sure I was stumbling blindly in circles the whole time. As far as I know, no one saw me, so that was a plus.
Once 11:45ish hit, Adam Epstein and I walked to the Boynton for lunch. On our way there through the Sole Proprietor’s parking lot, I unfortunately stepped on a condom. It squished, and it looked used. It reminded me of the other two gross things I’ve stepped on in the past year.
- A dead squirrel and I was wearing sandals at the time, which Adam was also present for.
- A dirty tampon in the Wal-Mart parking lot.
The dirty tampon probably wins for the grossest thing I’ve stepped on so far, considering it just didn’t happen to fall in the parking lot by accident. Dirty tampons on the ground tend to be premeditated events. We then commented that the Sole’s parking lot smelled a whole lot like a used hooker.
So for lunch, I ordered a chicken salad sandwich, a cup of chicken rice soup and onion rings. They were delicious, but the o-rings are now giving me the 2nd case of heartburn I’ve ever had in my life and I want to die. Adam kept asking the waitress for extra pickles which he didn’t end up eating. He always does this, along with eating any and everything I leave on my plate as well. The record of pickles I have seen him eat in one sitting is six. He also tried to stiff the waitress with a dollar tip because he is a cheap bastard, but I threw an extra in since she had to keep getting him pickles.
On the way back down Highland Street to campus, we discussed how Adam wanted to bang the brains out of our waitress. She was about 55 years old and looked like the witch from the Looney Tunes cartoons. It was pretty gross.
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