AnnMarie: i had this dream like 2 nights ago where i was having a threesome with my friend dave who’s like a midget and your friend alyssa and right when it got good, my parents walked into dave’s apartment and insisted on making us all lunch and wouldn’t leave.
AnnMarie: they made an antipasto, i don’t know if that means anything.
Duffy: i c
AnnMarie: i woke up and was like, well. that’s a new one.
These were my presents for my 29th Birthday.
This has yet to be beat, but I’m up for the challenge.
Jake: im depressed and bored with life
AnnMarie: have you been taking your pills you’re supposed to take?
Jake: i dont have any pills
AnnMarie: i thought you had the zoloft?
Jake: nah
Jake: i dont like the way it all makes me feel. i feel generic. like a clone. not me anymore
Jake: plus i had really bad gas that smelled like pure sulfur
AnnMarie: that’s just bizarre
AnnMarie: maybe your ass was the portal to hell. hahahah
Jake: yes
As far as I’ve been able to tell from the state site, I’m a few weeks overdue. I must’ve passed like 100 speed traps by now, too. I’m like The Legend of Billie Jean: Emissions Standards Edition.
1st Place:
David B: (Away) Click me for candy!!!
Honorable Mention:
Jake R: (Away) Pirate
AnnMarie: (Away) making beef stroganoff with brown sugar glazed carrots and a tossed salad
. . .
Adam: a tossed salad eh?
Adam: is keith helping with that part?
AnnMarie: haha no, he came over friday and left last night
AnnMarie: he had a frolf tournament
AnnMarie: oh, that’s gross! i just got that!
AnnMarie: ew
Adam: ahaha
. . .
Adam: omg i am in clusterfuck, PA tonight
Adam: there is honestly nothing to do here but get drunk
Adam: looks like i know my plans
This one is a sure bet to confuse… :)
And I know I would’ve written the same damn message…
AnnMarie: “Dude. I wish I spoke dog.”
Location: In line at the Honey Farms on Highland Street
Date: Today at 12:20pm
Culprit: Some random dude around 22, sideways Yankees hat, baggy pants, limited edition sneaks, bedazzled hoodie. You know the type.
Me: (to clerk) Can I get a pack of American Spirits yellow?
Random Guy: American Spirits… those are cigarettes?
Me: Yeah.
[Pause]
Random Guy: Damn, girl. Can I get in touch with your spirit?
Me: Wow.
Me: That’s one for the books.